Random thoughts because Daylight Savings is screwing with me...

I practically passed out last night at 9 and now, of course, I am up an hour and half earlier than I really need to be. Ugh. So, for the last 1/2 hour this is what I've thought (obsessed) about...

Though I am much better at it than I used to be, I do not do change well. Being in charge of a department and supervising make this difficult because one is ALWAYS dealing with personnel and policy CHANGE. I have never read that book "Who Moved my Cheese?" but if I wrote a similar book it would be titled, "Of course the cheese has to be moved again. Not only that, it's also going to be a DIFFERENT kind of cheese...who's fucking with me?". I don't know if you can use "fucking" in a book title. It might sale at Borders but I'm sure Barnes and Noble would never carry it.

Why does being the person in charge feel sometimes like you are the one screwing people over, even if you know they've done it to themselves? Is it possible to be a kind person and a supervisor? I don't know.

Why do your flaws always seem magnified 1000 times in the beginning of relationships and at the end of relationships? As if the universe is saying to you "Deal with it or CHANGE." See paragraph above.

I read Loren Eiseley's biography and I really loved it. I'm now on a secret mission to get one of the children to name their kid Eiseley. That or I need to get a new dog.

This year, I'm trying to learn to not force outcomes. Let me repeat, I'm TRYING to learn. I have not yet learned. Sometimes the battle to still myself, when the anxiety that demands resolution NOW creeps in, is lost. But I'm working on it.

Fifteen minutes until I have to be awake. Hello Monday.

I'm getting a new bed

A double bed. Very fun.

Word of the Day

Content

September

What a bizarre month this has been. I am having the best time. I'm happy, really happy. But some of the weirdest things have happened this month. As though there's been a full moon for the last 17 days. Let's see what the next 23 days bring.

The last 6 months

High School graduation for youngest. Divorce. Death. Moving out. Dog Death. Moving in. Dating? Not so much. I think I might go get a guinea pig.

Let's just see if we can all get through the week

I'm a supervisor. Not a babysitter, parent, mediator, lawyer. And I used to be a friend. But we all know that now that I am supervising 13 of you, this friendship thing just isn't working out. I'm VERY sad about that but let's try to make sure we don't all end up hating each other. After all, we all used to love our jobs. I still love my job. I hired you because I believe you can do your job and I really DO want you to love your job. So, it's only four days. Can't we all just get along?

I give up

One can only spend so much time in denial of the obvious.