Holidays

This year the holidays are going to be different for a few reasons. Tis the season for a reason... I do like rhymes. Anyway....

Thanksgiving is going to be spent at my mom's. Given all of the normal family issues, it will actually not be very different.

But Christmas is another story.

There are no small children. In fact, there are only adults. 18 and 24 are not fun ages to buy for. I miss the days of sitting with my friends and planning our holidays. In our efforts to teach the children cross-cultural traditions, we, very irreverently, had tamales on the first night of Hanukkah.

I am in a different house, by myself, and all of the Christmas decorations are in storage. Now I LOVE Christmas. But it will be hard to get all of the stuff out and decorate all by myself. I think there maybe a new tradition to work in here somewhere. One in which I invite my friends over, ply them with food and then give them alcohol and tinsel.

In past years, the family schedule varied little. Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at Grandma Judy's was almost always standard , and Christmas Day at my mom's or if she was out of town, then it was Christmas at her house on the 26th. We always tried to fit Grumps and Myra in early but sometimes the whole holiday was spent in Maryland or Missouri. We were always with grandparents and rarely in our own home on Christmas.

This year will also be different because of the divorce. Just recently, the children (18 and 24) asked what we were doing for Christmas. I told them that it would be the same plan as always. In fact the parenting plan from the divorce states that the 18 year old is required to spend the holidays with her grandparents until further notice. (A nice coup on my part I think.)

In reality, I think the holidays will be hardest on the adults who will sense the awkward, readjustment they are facing as old relationships have grown cold and new ones are starting. Ours was always a "blended" family and on more than one occasion, there were at least two if not three ex-spouses and new spouses all in the same room and having a good time. I hope that we are graceful enough to bridge the gap as well.

I love Christmas. I drag those surrounding me into the fray as well, with Secret Santa at work and my annoying cheerful, enthusiasm for Christmas music, books and videos (all AFTER Thanksgiving of course). When my marriage was so bad, there were a few bad holidays. But, despite all the changes, I am getting very excited about this Christmas and plan on having a rousing, good time.

Thursday night

I would like to note that the moon was full on Monday at 19:14 Universal Time. And as far as I can tell, spent the next 48 hours, still full.

Tuesday sucked also. Wednesday not so much and it ended very well. Thursday's been good and I would like to say that brings me to the end of my very long 4-day work week but, no. I have to work tomorrow.

Monday Sucked

Hello Tuesday

Random thoughts because Daylight Savings is screwing with me...

I practically passed out last night at 9 and now, of course, I am up an hour and half earlier than I really need to be. Ugh. So, for the last 1/2 hour this is what I've thought (obsessed) about...

Though I am much better at it than I used to be, I do not do change well. Being in charge of a department and supervising make this difficult because one is ALWAYS dealing with personnel and policy CHANGE. I have never read that book "Who Moved my Cheese?" but if I wrote a similar book it would be titled, "Of course the cheese has to be moved again. Not only that, it's also going to be a DIFFERENT kind of cheese...who's fucking with me?". I don't know if you can use "fucking" in a book title. It might sale at Borders but I'm sure Barnes and Noble would never carry it.

Why does being the person in charge feel sometimes like you are the one screwing people over, even if you know they've done it to themselves? Is it possible to be a kind person and a supervisor? I don't know.

Why do your flaws always seem magnified 1000 times in the beginning of relationships and at the end of relationships? As if the universe is saying to you "Deal with it or CHANGE." See paragraph above.

I read Loren Eiseley's biography and I really loved it. I'm now on a secret mission to get one of the children to name their kid Eiseley. That or I need to get a new dog.

This year, I'm trying to learn to not force outcomes. Let me repeat, I'm TRYING to learn. I have not yet learned. Sometimes the battle to still myself, when the anxiety that demands resolution NOW creeps in, is lost. But I'm working on it.

Fifteen minutes until I have to be awake. Hello Monday.

I'm getting a new bed

A double bed. Very fun.

Word of the Day

Content

September

What a bizarre month this has been. I am having the best time. I'm happy, really happy. But some of the weirdest things have happened this month. As though there's been a full moon for the last 17 days. Let's see what the next 23 days bring.

The last 6 months

High School graduation for youngest. Divorce. Death. Moving out. Dog Death. Moving in. Dating? Not so much. I think I might go get a guinea pig.

Let's just see if we can all get through the week

I'm a supervisor. Not a babysitter, parent, mediator, lawyer. And I used to be a friend. But we all know that now that I am supervising 13 of you, this friendship thing just isn't working out. I'm VERY sad about that but let's try to make sure we don't all end up hating each other. After all, we all used to love our jobs. I still love my job. I hired you because I believe you can do your job and I really DO want you to love your job. So, it's only four days. Can't we all just get along?

I give up

One can only spend so much time in denial of the obvious.

6 months

So life is a tad bit different. I think she broke up with him. Given that she is "older" perhaps she recognized those character defects that won't disappear anytime soon and ran while she could. I remain committed yet. And if he feels differently, I would hope he would have told me by now. So life goes on.