I practically passed out last night at 9 and now, of course, I am up an hour and half earlier than I really need to be. Ugh. So, for the last 1/2 hour this is what I've thought (obsessed) about...
Though I am much better at it than I used to be, I do not do change well. Being in charge of a department and supervising make this difficult because one is ALWAYS dealing with personnel and policy CHANGE. I have never read that book "Who Moved my Cheese?" but if I wrote a similar book it would be titled, "Of course the cheese has to be moved again. Not only that, it's also going to be a DIFFERENT kind of cheese...who's fucking with me?". I don't know if you can use "fucking" in a book title. It might sale at Borders but I'm sure Barnes and Noble would never carry it.
Why does being the person in charge feel sometimes like you are the one screwing people over, even if you know they've done it to themselves? Is it possible to be a kind person and a supervisor? I don't know.
Why do your flaws always seem magnified 1000 times in the beginning of relationships and at the end of relationships? As if the universe is saying to you "Deal with it or CHANGE." See paragraph above.
I read Loren Eiseley's biography and I really loved it. I'm now on a secret mission to get one of the children to name their kid Eiseley. That or I need to get a new dog.
This year, I'm trying to learn to not force outcomes. Let me repeat, I'm TRYING to learn. I have not yet learned. Sometimes the battle to still myself, when the anxiety that demands resolution NOW creeps in, is lost. But I'm working on it.
Fifteen minutes until I have to be awake. Hello Monday.
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